A Life Undeserved
by xYomix
Summary: AU Cannon couples, Takes place mid New Moon. Bella's life takes a turn for the worst after Edward leaves her in the woods. On the run from a dangerous force, trying trying to make a life for herself, Bella must face the events of her past to overcome her present and accept a new future for herself. R&R.
1. Chapter 1: The Past Unrecognized

**AN: So here is the first chapter of a new story. First off I would like to apologize for my long absence from the writing community but I just got really busy with school, work, and lost faith in my writing abilities for a long time. Re-reading my old stories that I still have on here I feel that I am on a new level of quality right now, so while I won't be abandoning them entirely, I plan to completely re-do them in time, but not until I have finished this new story first. Thank you to the people who have read my stuff in the past, your reviews really made them worthwhile to me, and I hope you like this new story. To those of you who haven't read any of my stuff, I still have two old fics on here that are incomplete. And like I said, I'm no longer happy with that quality of writing and I figure that this story will be a better representation of my skills. So if you do decide to look at them, please do not judge me too harshly, as they were written almost five years ago. This will be my first attempt at any real writing in the last three years, so any criticism and reviews are greatly appreciated. I am hoping to have this story finished by the end of next year, and I apologize in advanced as I will be dealing with both university and work on top of this story, so updates may not be regular and may take some time. So without further adieu, here is my first piece of writing after a very long absence.**

**Summary: AU Cannon couples, Takes place mid New Moon. Bella's life takes a turn for the worst after Edward leaves her in the woods. On the run from a dangerous force, trying to make a life for herself. Bella must face the events of her past to overcome her present and accept a new future for herself. R&R.**

**Rated: M for language, violence and possible lemons (due to fanfiction's new policy I will not be posting the full chapters which contain lemons but they will be available upon request)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer. The plot, however, belongs to me. **

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Chapter 1: The Past; Unrecognized

"_It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." ― Rose Kennedy_

Smacking away another hand that grabbed for my back end, I made my way towards the bar at the other end of the room. Blaring music filled my ears while dancing, writhing bodies blocked my path briefly before moving on, oblivious of the world and the people around them. Jimmies Bar was having one of its more wild nights; a live band accompanied with half priced drinks and no set closing time. It was events like these that made Jimmies the most popular place in lower east end New York.

The bar was at capacity; there was barely enough room to maneuver around the many tables and their drunken patrons. The smell of vomit and body odor was thick and I grimaced as I pushed myself through the narrow passages of dancing couples, careful not to drop the tray of empty drinks as I went. I had been working here for almost a year now, and although I didn't particularly care for my job, it was the best I could do for the moment. Sure, it may not have been the fanciest place to work and the uniform may have been a little too revealing for my liking, but the hours were good, and they paid well. I needed the money more than I needed my pride.

Jimmie, the owner of the club and my boss, was a decent man; he knew about the situation I was in, well, as much as I could tell him. He knew I was on the run from something, under the impression that I was hiding from an ex-boyfriend. He wasn't entirely wrong, so I let him think that was the case. And in return he never asked about my past or anything to do with my appearance; something not everyone respected.

Placing the tray on the counter of the bar, I let out a sigh of relief, glad to be free of the crazy mob of people, even if only for a few moments. Even after all these years I still didn't like to be touched if it could be helped. Taking the empty glasses off the tray, I called out to Larry, one of the bartenders working tonight.

"Larry, I need two margaritas for table three, one with no olive, a shot of bourbon for the old man in the corner, three beers for the airheads at table eleven and five Jell-O shots for the sorority girls at table twenty."

Larry flashed me a smile and a nod, signaling that he had heard me and was working on it. He was a tall intimidating guy, with hard bands of muscle that wrapped his biceps and torso. He looked really good for a man pushing forty. Short black hair topped his head, gelled back to show off his face and the strong lines of his cheeks, giving him an almost sinister look. To everyone who didn't know him, he seemed like a man who would not hesitate to bash in your face at the slightest provocation, but to those of us who actually took the time to get to know him, he was a very sweet man with the biggest heart I had ever known. He was married to a very sweet woman named Margaret, who despite her petite frame and gentle face, was the warden of their home and kept Larry on a short leash. Seeing them together always made me take a second look, their dynamic was so surreal but somehow fit them perfectly. You would never have known that such a big scary guy would be scared of such a small woman, and secretly enjoy being kept under her thumb.

Grateful for the brief reprieve as Larry got my order together, I straightened out my uniform which consisted of a short 'artfully' ripped jean skirt and a short black midriff top with the words 'Jimmies Bar' printed on the front of it. My hair was up in a plain ponytail, holding the heavy mop of my now waist length brown hair off my neck which had a thin sheet of sweat forming. My bangs were brushed over my left eye, hiding the scars that had marred me for years now. I didn't like such obvious signs of my past being broadcast, and also it made some of the guests uncomfortable and that reflected in my tips which I couldn't afford to lose. Luckily my other scars were in less obvious places, and therefore much easier to hide.

"Here you go, Marie," Larry said, placing the drinks on my tray. "Now, are you sure you're going to be able to handle all of these?" He raised his right eyebrow in a knowing manner and I couldn't help but blush. Like the unfortunate redness that still flooded my face whenever I got embarrassed, the years hadn't granted me any extra grace either. Many of the staff was well aware of my lack of balance, and it had cost me at least a hundred dollars in damages, mostly broken dishware, in docked wages in the past nine months.

"I'll be fine Larry," I told him with a small smile, "I haven't broken a glass in almost a week now. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this."

Larry just chuckled, chewing on the end of a toothpick. "Alright girly, just let me know if ya need a hand."

"Will do," I murmured as I grabbed the now full tray and headed off to distribute the drinks. Luck was on my side tonight, and no glasses met their end this round.

It was nearing five a.m. when the last guest of the night finally decided to call it quits. He peeled himself away from the side of the bar where he had been most of the night and we called a cab for him to get him home safely. The rest of the staff was cleaning up the dance floor and clearing tables. With the lights on the club had a completely different feel to it, almost like stepping out of a fantasy and back into reality. The floors were a complete mess, broken cups and bodily fluids that I did not want to know the origins of, covered the mock hardwood vinyl floor. Not to mention the various condom wrappers and pills that had fallen out of people's hands as they conducted drug deals while dancing.

Tables having been cleared and wiped I began placing the chairs atop them, making room for the cleaners who always came in after a big night like tonight.

"Marie," called April, who was one of the other closing servers. "I have your tips for the night."

Glancing up I spotter her by the bar, holding an envelope of cash. April was gorgeous. There was no other way to describe her. With long black hair streaked with purple, legs that went up to her neck and the type of pouty face that models only dreamed about having, at the age of twenty-six she was a genuine babe. Her eyebrow ring glittered in the clubs light, which only brought out her almond eyes even more. Almost every guy that worked at Jimmies had a thing for her at some point or another, and I couldn't blame them for it. She was wearing the same uniform that I was, only hers hugged her curves in all the right ways, while mine in comparison seemed to hang off my body due to my lack of assets.

Wiping my hands on my skirt I walked over to where she stood, helping Larry and our other bartender of the night Chris close up the tills and tidy up the open liquor bottles.

"Thanks," I said, grabbing the envelope from her and quickly thumbing through it. Three hundred dollars filled my hand and I scrunched up my face in confusions. Even for a busy night like tonight that seemed a little excessive for one night of tips, and I looked up at the others questionably. Three bright smiles met my gaze and April placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I might have included some of mine in there from tonight," she said. "And before you throw a fit, the others also helped out." Both Chris and Lenny nodded in confirmation.

"Guys," I cried, shaking my head and pushing the envelope back into Aprils hands, "I can't take your money."

"Too bad, it's already done," Larry chuckled.

"Look, Marie," Chris said, coming from around the counter and placing both his hands on my shoulders. He wasn't a very tall man, only coming to about my chin level, his blond mop of hair making him look very boyish for his thirty years of age and reminded me a little of Mike Newton. "We might not know what is going on, seeing as you won't tell us anything and Jimmie has got his lips sealed tighter than a virgins ass, but we know that there is shit going on in your life and we just want to help you out.

"This isn't some form of charity," he said, cutting me off before I could protest again. "This is just us doing something nice for our friend. And besides, you have been working your ass off lately, and we know it's not easy with your obligations at home. Please, let us do this for you and just this once, could you not fight us on this? Please?"

Chris and the others pulled the most disturbing and irresistible look of group pity, quivering lips and all, and I could only laugh. If I had been in a better position to argue, I might have tried, but the truth was that I couldn't. I needed the money more than I could say, and I wasn't above taking it at this point.

"Alright," I told them, folding up the envelope and placing it in my serving pouch. "But I will pay you guys back some day, "I told them with a stern look.

"Whatever you say, babe," April chuckled, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"You should think about heading out thought, Marie," Larry said, "You've been here since we opened at seven; you've got to be exhausted by now."

"Yeah," Chris interjected, "we've got it from here; you should head on home."

"You guy's sure?" I asked, not wanting to leave them there if there was still work to do.

"Yeah, we got it," Larry said, closing the register and collecting the tills and the deposits to put in the office safe. "Get out of here; we're sick of looking at ya," he joked.

"Alright, alright, I can take a hint," I chided, grabbing my rag from off the counter where I had set it. "I'll see you guys Friday night then."

"See ya babe," April called out after me, blowing a kiss in my direction. Waving at them I made my way to the staff dressing rooms located at the back of the building behind the second bar. Stripping out of my work clothes and hanging them in my locker, I grabbed my faded jeans and plain white t-shirt donning them before grabbing my jacket. It was early spring, and the air was still quite cold outside, especially in down town New York. Grabbing my bag I pulled my wallet out, shoved the envelope of cash inside before shoving it down the front of my shirt and into my bra. I had learned a couple tricks living in big cities for the past couple of years, and one of them was to never keep your cash or I.D. easily accessible. It was way too simple for a mugger to just run past, grab your bag, and run off with a whole weeks worth of cash and a piece of plastic with your name and address on it.

Shutting my locker, I grabbed my bag and slung it across my shoulder, before turning to the mirror in the corner of the room. Grabbing the elastic that held my hair back I pulled it free, shaking out my curls and finger combing it till it lay flat, my bangs still covering the left half of my face. Even after all of these years I couldn't help but think there was a stranger in front of me as I looked at my reflection. Gone was that care free girl that lived in the moment and loved with no regret. Gone was the light in her eyes that even in the worst of cases shone with hope and determination.

It had been twenty years since I last saw that person looking back at me. Twenty years since the love of my life had walked out on me and left me in the woods like I meant nothing. Twenty years since my father had died and the safe and happy world as I knew it ceased to exist.

Looking back at me was a girl no older than twenty-one, but it was her eye, since the other one was now missing, the socket empty and surrounded by a mass of scar tissue that truly told her age. There was a weight to it that only came after seeing the many hardships that she had faced in the thirty-eight years of her life. This was the me I knew now.

The door behind me opened and April walked in, tying her hair up in a messy bun.

"You're still here girly?" she asked, heading towards her own locker.

Breaking my stare from the mirror I turned towards her and flashed a fake smile, too tired to try and conjure up a real one. "I'm heading out now," I told her, zipping up my jacket.

"Do you want a ride? I brought my bike," she asked, holding up a black helmet with a visor.

The thought of being back on a bike, being like it had when riding with _him_ made me cringe on the inside and have to fight back down the rising feeling of being suffocated. Trying to keep a calm face and pushing back the beginnings of a panic attack, I shook my head.

"No thanks," I told her, backing away towards the door. "You live in the opposite direction of me, I wouldn't want to put you out of your way."

"You sure?" She asked, grabbing her own bag. "I hate it when you go walking around by yourself at night."

"I'll be fine. Besides," I said, "It's after five; people are starting to head to work anyways, the streets will be starting to get busy."

"Alright," She sang, "Just be safe out there."

"I will." We walked each other out to the doors of the bar. Stepping outside April gave me one last hug before walking over to Jimmies' parking lot where her bike was parked. Looking up at the sky line it was still pitch black, but the slight lightening of the sky towards the east, hinting that sunrise would not be too far off. People in suits, kids in street clothes and the odd homeless person roamed the streets already. It seemed to me that New York was indeed the city that never slept, and with no small amount of irony I placed myself into that category as well.

With a small humorless snort, I shrugged my shoulders and started making my way home.

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**AN: Thank you for reading. As I said above, this is the first time I've written anything in three years, so I hope you like it. Any review or criticism is greatly welcomed. As I do not have a beta or an editor at the moment, I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors, and if any are found I ask that they be pointed out to me so they may be fixed. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope to have chapter 2 up within the next few days as I am on vacation and should have some free time.**


	2. Chapter 2: Life as We Know It

**AN: So here is chapter 2, a bit earlier than I planned on having it ready, but oh well :) I hope you enjoy it! Please Review!**

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, but the plot is mine.**

**Warning: This chapter contains reference to extreme violence and sexual abuse (although not detailed), so if you are sensitive to that kind of thing I caution you before reading. **

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Chapter 2: Life as We Know It

"_To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." ― Oscar Wilde_

It was nearing six a.m. before I finally found myself standing in front of my apartment building. The shabby building stood twelve stories tall, holding about six apartments on each floor. Our landlord, , was a balding pessimist who never got involved in any of his tenants business unless they were late paying him their rent. Like Jimmies', it wasn't the fanciest place to be living, but it did me just fine for now. It was the only place I was able to find that didn't require a security check for tenants and he was willing to accept a cash payment every month without question. He had adapted to the don't ask don't tell policy with grace and we had come to a silent understanding which suited us both just fine.

Digging in my bag I pulled out a single set of keys which contained the buildings key, my apartment key, and a key for Jimmies for the odd time I had to work an opening shift. The door gave off an unholy screech as I forced it open, its ancient hinges protesting. I had to push it closed behind me or else it would have remained open for just anyone to come in, the retracting arm having broken long ago.

The inside of my building wasn't any more appealing than its exterior; the faded wallpaper was starting to peel in places showing pale yellow and stained walls. The carpet was worn away in certain areas, showing the plywood boards underneath and creating a tripping hazard that inconvenienced me greatly. How this building managed to pass its yearly inspection was beyond me.

Stopping briefly at the bottom of the stairs I quickly checked the mail box, pulling out a pile of bills and junk mail before closing it and proceeding up the stairs. The buildings elevator had been broken for years, before I had even take up residence there, and it didn't look like it was getting fixed anytime soon. Luckily I only lived on the sixth level so it wasn't too much of an inconvenience.

Trudging up the stairs I began to feel the exhaustion working itself over me and I literally dragged my feet the last few steps to my apartment door. I had been awake for over twenty-four hours now and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for the next three days.

Juggling my keys I was finally able to get the door unlocked, and instead of the silent darkness that I expected on the other side, dim light and hushed voices greeted me as I stepped into my home. Tensing, I started to reach into my bag for the blade I kept hidden in the interior pocket, stopping as my sleep deprived brain finally recognized the dark figure sitting on the couch as my roommate, and not the intruder I had first thought him to be.

"Jeeze," I whined, kicking off my shoes before making my way further into the room. "What are you doing up so early? You scared the crap out of me."

Seth Clearwater looked up at me and gave me his classic good boy smile that I couldn't help but return. Six years my junior, Seth looked about five years older than I did. His dark russet skin made him stand out in a crowd, and his muscled and toned body made women stop and stare. Physically Seth was only about twenty six, his werewolf blood stopping his aging process once his body was fully developed, and as long as he continued to shift, he would remain that way forever. In actual years he was thirty-two, with the mental age of a teenager.

"Really Bells," he chuckled. "What kind of person would break into an apartment just to sit and watch TV?" Shaking his head with a mocking smile in place Seth turned off the old episode of _Friends_ that he had been watching, scooted over and patted the spot beside him. Sighing I dropped my bag to the ground and fell onto the couch, leaning into his side as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

Seth had been my best friend for many years now. I considered him to be my brother in all ways but blood. For a short time we had thought that we would be legal siblings, seeing as his mom and Charlie had planned to get married. But that was before his death a few months later and the end of my peaceful life in Forks.

Despite the fact that the wedding never happened, Seth and I had bonded over his passing, and the years to come as he remained the only solid thing in my life that I could depend on. He was there with me during my time living on the reservation with the Black family, and he was there for me when Jacob betrayed me in every way possible and changed my life forever.

The La Push pack had believed they knew everything there was about being a wolf shifter; their tribe's history had been passed down through generation after generation. It was their duty to protect humans and their families against the evil cold ones, and protect their lands. That was how they had viewed themselves for years. It wasn't until a few years ago, seventeen to be exact, that they discovered something they didn't know about their kind; they had the ability to turn a non-tribe member into one of their kind.

It had been an accident, one that had never happened again as far as I knew, but it had altered my life completely. Going from being a human, to wanting to be a vampire to becoming a werewolf was quite the adjustment in such a short period of time; one that I didn't take to too well. It was only a few years later that I left La Push, Seth coming with me since he no longer had any ties to the reservation after the death of his sister Leah and his Mother. We had been together ever since.

"Hey," Seth nudged me, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I sighed, leaning further into his side, "Just exhausted. These sixty hour work weeks are killing me."

"You need to eat more, Bella," Seth cautioned. I could feel him sizing me up and I bristled in irritation. I wasn't some child that needed to be looked after, yet he still sometimes treated me as such. "You know what can happen if you don't look after yourself properly."

"I know that," I snapped, leaning forwards, out of his personal space and placing my head in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees. "And you need to stop calling me that. The name is Marie now. You have to get out of that habit; it's too risky if you screw up."

"Have I ever screwed up before?" He asked, getting irritated himself. Standing up he began to pace in front of the coffee table, running his hands through his short black locks. "Dammit Bella, you're acting like I'm not taking this shit seriously. I am, and I do, but you have got to start taking care of yourself better."

"I'm just fine, Seth," I protested, getting up myself and blocking his path. His pacing was starting to drive me crazy.

"No, you're not." Looking at me in earnest, he grabbed my hands and held them in his own. His hands seemed to swallow mine, just one more thing that emphasized just how much he had grown over the years. "Bella, you barely eat, you barely sleep and half the time you look dead on your feet. You can't possibly weigh more than a hundred pounds right now and if you keep this up, werewolf body or not, you're not going to last much longer."

"What do you want me to do Seth?" I asked bitterly. "I can't just up and quit my job. We have bills to pay, food to buy, school to pay for. Every cent counts right now."

"I know that Bells, I really do, and I'm not saying you need to quit your job, but you do need to slow down and take a break," he argued. "I work too, and I don't think we are as strapped for cash as you seem to think we are. We have more than enough for all of that without you having to work yourself ragged like you are."

"And what if we need to run again, huh? What then?" Shaking loose of his grasp I walked across the room to the adjoining kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. "We need a nest egg for emergencies. If we had to run tomorrow there wouldn't be enough to get us far, and I can't allow that to happen. I can't let us get caught again."

"That's not going to happen Bella," Seth said, but I could see the resignation on his face that told me he knew I was right. Knowing there was nothing he could say that would change my mind he let the subject drop. Walking behind me into the kitchen he opened the fridge and pulled out a tupperware container of what appeared to be steak, potatoes and a variety of vegetables. Popping it into the microwave on the counter beside the fridge he started to get a plate ready.

"When do you work next?" He asked, not looking away from the rotating dish inside.

"Not till Friday," I said, before draining the last of my water.

"Good," he replied, taking my empty glass, filling it with orange juice and handing it back to me. I cocked my eyebrow at him questionably.

"You need the sugars," he said, turning back to the microwave as it beeped. Pulling out the container he dished out a large portion of it onto the plate he had set aside. The smell of the food hit me like a truck and suddenly I was starving. My stomach made an audible demand, much to my embarrassment, which made Seth crack a smile.

"Here," he said, placing the dish in front of me and pushing the island stool towards me. "Eat up."

I did so gladly, not waiting to be told twice. Over the years I had learn that Seth was an amazing cook, and tonight he did not disappoint. I practically moaned in delight as I shoveled a fork full of seasoned potatoes into my mouth. Seemingly satisfied that I was eating, Seth left me to it, heading towards the door and slipping on his shoes and jacket.

"Where are you going?" I asked around a mouthful of meat, covering my mouth as I did so. I still had some manners after all.

"Work," he replied, grabbing his keys from the dish that was beside the door. "I took an extra shift at the restaurant today. I should be back by nine tonight, and then," he grinned at me, "we are going for a hunt."

"Really?" I asked, excitement bubbling up inside me. It had been weeks since we last went out for a hunt, leaving the city behind and giving in to the inner drive to chase and feast. It had taken me many months after my transformation from human girl to dangerous creature to come to terms with my desire to hunt, to tear into flesh. But with Seth's help I had gotten over that revulsion and it was now one of my favorite things to do. It was a way to release all the tension that had been building inside me for the last few weeks, and I always felt so calm and centered after a good hunt.

Seth nodded. "I figure we can all head up towards Ithaca; there are some great forested areas around there so we won't have to worry about being quiet."

"All of us?" I asked, glancing down the narrow hallway to the final door at the end, whose inhabitant I could hear was sleeping soundly.

"C'mon Bells," he said, "I know you don't like it when he hunts with us, but I know you hate leaving him behind even more. Besides, he needs this just as much as we do."

"Yeah, yeah" I replied, waving my hand at him in a dismissive manor. "Alright, we'll all go." Still staring down the hallway I asked, "How has he been today?"

"He's been fine, passed out around midnight, so he should be waking up soon."

Nodding I turned back to my food, picking at it for a moment before taking another bite. Seth chuckled at my behavior before quickly walking over, placing a kiss to the top of my head before heading out the door.

"Go check on him if you're worried then. But make sure you get some sleep, and I'll see you both in a few hours," Seth called over his shoulder before closing the door and locking it behind him.

Picking at my food I looked around the small, but homely apartment. We had fixed up the walls and floors shortly after moving in. It was painted a faded white color, with the odd wall coloured a bright vibrant red or blue. A few nick-knacks and dollar store paintings decorated the living-room which consisted of a couch, the coffee table and an old-school cubed TV. The kitchen was just a small corner of the main room, which consisted of a fridge, oven, three cabinets and the island counter and sink. Down the hallway that acted as the divider between the two rooms there were three doors. Two of them led to bedrooms, while the third was the bathroom. It wasn't much as far as livable space, but it worked for us, and we had called this place home for the last year and a half.

No longer feeling very hungry I wrapped the last of the food that was on my plate, about half of what Seth had served me, and put it back in the fridge. Heading down the hallway I stopped at the door that was opposite of my room, placing my hand gently on the cool wood. Taking a moment to gather my emotions, I gently placed my hand on the knob waiting a few moments before actually turning it. The door opened silently, and as quietly as possible I let myself in. Squeezing through the narrow opening, only able to open the door so far because a pile of dirty laundry blocked its path, I walked towards the bed and its lone inhabitant.

The room was typical of any seventeen year old; clothing everywhere, dirty dishes left on the night stand, and garbage strewn about without any care. Shaking my head I made a mental note to remember to get him to clean his room before we left tonight.

Anthony Charles Black slept soundly on his stomach, his face partially obstructed by his long black hair. Gently sitting on the edge of the bed I brushed his hair behind an ear, marvelling at how much he looked like his father when he was sleeping. He had the same facial structure as Jacob did, the same sharp nose and prominent cheekbones that came from being part of the Quileute tribe. But when he was awake I could see more of myself in him. In the light you could see streaks of brown in his dark hair, and his eyes were all me, the same ones that I had inherited from my own father.

Andy was the first, and only, good thing that Jacob Black had ever given me, and it had made those five years living with him on the reservation bearable. He had only been three when the chance finally came for us to leave, so he didn't remember all that much about Jacob, but over the years he had pieced enough information together to get a basic picture of what had happened.

Jacob had been my best friend at one point. After Edward had left me, there was no one I could turn to. Jacob had been my sun in a period of darkness, and I had relied on him too much. When Victoria had come back to Forks with a small army looking for me, it had been Jacob and the rest of the La Push pack that had rallied with me and deafened me and my father from their threat. Unfortunately Charlie had not survived one of the encounters, and I had lost my left eye as a result of that night.

After that I couldn't let anyone else be caught in the center of my mess of a life, and moved to the reservation where it would be easier for the wolves to fight back. I cut my mother out of my life, not because I wanted to, but because it would be safer for her and Phil in the end. I told her I blamed her for splitting up our family and that my place was now in Forks with my 'real' family now. I haven't talked to her since.

Jacob was always by my side. Billy was more than happy to open up his home to me, and the rest of the pack accepted me as one of their own over time. For a short period of time I thought things may be okay one day, but then I saw the changes that started taking over Jacob. I knew he loved me, he had told me so a few months after I had started living with them. But my own heart was dead, and I knew that no matter what that I wouldn't be able to return his feelings or care for him the way he did for me. I was broken, half of my heart destroyed forever the night I was left in the woods.

I had told him as much. I didn't want to lie to him or lead him on thinking there might be a future for us one day when there never would be. He told me he didn't care, that he would wait for me to see the truth one day. I should have left then, but I couldn't. I needed him too much, my best friend and my sun. It was selfish of me, I knew that it was, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to walk out of this new life I had started for myself.

Over the next few months I could see the changes taking place inside of Jacob as the wolf started to take over the man I had knew as my friend. He was angry more often, his fuse short and his actions becoming more rash. Day by day I saw the man erode away and become that of which dwelled inside him.

It was only three months after I had moved onto the res that Jacob challenged Sam for the position of alpha. Under normal situations Sam wouldn't have had a problem stepping aside; Jacob was in fact the rightful leader of their pack and Sam wouldn't disrespect him that way. But even Sam knew that there was something not quite right about Jacob at the time, and refused to hand over the pack to his leadership. The result was a blood bath that had nearly cost Sam his life.

With Jacob alpha, the rest of the pack could not refuse his commands. He ran them ragged, all day and all night on the hunt for Victoria and the other vampires, and each day his advances towards me became more and more frightening. Then, after almost a year living with him, watching as my friend finally vanished, Jacob was through waiting for me. He attacked me that night, stealing the last bit of hope I had left along with my virginity.

The pack was outraged, as was the council, but with Jacob being who he was, no one could go against him, as was proved a few months later when Leah, Seth's sister, tried to stand between him and me. She died of her wounds later that same night.

The wolf had taken over him, turned the once friendly boy into a raving killer living in a fantasy world. The real Jacob was gone, and in his place there was now a monster. I blamed myself for it.

We lived in fear for the next few years, the pack and I. Ruled by a vicious tyrant, unable to leave for risk of being caught or facing the vampire horde that waited for us outside of the reservation; there was no escape. The best we could do was try our best not to anger him, and wait for something to give. I had no choice but to play the demure girlfriend and obey his wishes. To refuse was to be beaten within an inch of my life. I couldn't count the number of times I had said something to set him off, only to wake up a few hours later, bruised and bloodied on the Black's living room floor.

Billy tried to put a stop to it, but being in a wheelchair, not to mention a human like myself, there wasn't anything he could do. It wasn't like he could call the police either, for it risked the exposure of their tribe's secrets and the existence of the supernatural world. Neither of us were willing to take that risk.

The only reprieve I had from Jacob's wrath was the nine months that I carried Anthony. I had become pregnant four months after the first time he raped me. Jacob was ecstatic; in the messed up world that he perceived we were becoming the perfect family. He didn't touch me once during the pregnancy, for which I was grateful.

After Anthony was born, Jacob calmed somewhat. He was less angry and showed shadows of the man that he had used to be. It was the calm before the storm. Having become somewhat complacent with the new Jacob, shortly after my twenty-first birthday I decided to take a walk to the meadow where Edward had once taken me, where he had first told me he loved me. I still don't know what drove me to visit that place on that particular day, but something in me needed to see it.

I had left Andy with Sue for the day, Billy unable to get out of bed that morning due to joint pains, and Jacob was out running patrols with the pack. Victoria hadn't been seen nor scented in nearly three months so I figured that she had backed off for now and I wanted to take advantage of the brief reprieve. The hike was longer than I remembered it being and my muscles burned by the time I had reached the clearing. The last time I had been there Laurent had nearly killed me, and it was the old Jacob that had come and saved the day. Unlike that time though, the meadow wasn't dead; it was bright and vibrant and alive again.

I don't know how long I sat there for, but the sun was starting to set by the time I took notice. Sitting in the centre of the meadow, twirling the stem of a small purple flower in my hand I didn't notice Jacob until he was standing directly above me.

Nude from having just shifted, he practically glowed with rage in the setting light. He knew what had happened there nearly three years ago, and he knew what that place meant to me, and he was not happy finding me there. The first blow happened before I could even utter a word, and the second followed shortly after. Even after all this time with the monster, I had never seen him this enraged before. I could feel my bones breaking under the impact of his fists, and blood filled my mouth.

With a mighty roar the man that had used to be my friend melted away in a shimmer of light and in his place stood a great russet wolf. It was then that I knew he was going to kill me. With one swipe of his might paw my chest was cleaved open. Blood gushed out of the hollow of my torso, bare bones visible in the fading light of day. It was agonizing. No person should see their beating heart through their rib cage; it just wasn't right.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of black. Sam Uley barreled into Jacob's side, throwing him clear across the meadow. My vision was fading quickly, my body starting to feel cold due to blood loss, as I watched as the two alphas face off.

This time Sam didn't walk away.

Watching the black wolf fall to the ground, his fur bloody and his neck at an angle, I knew it was over. With one last stuttering beat, my heart gave up, and my world wet dark.

I woke up a few hours later to an intense pain in my chest. My whole body felt heavy with sickness, sharp pains and convulsions wracking my insides. Everything was blurred, but I could still make out that I was outdoors, and that I was surrounded by giant figures. Something was happening to me, but I didn't know what. Something was building up inside of me, something big. It flowed through my limbs and seemed to gather in my chest, increasing in pressure until I thought I was going to explode. And then I did.

That was my first shift into a werewolf.

The council members had no idea that it was possible to turn a non-tribe member into a shifter like them, but I guess that was just because no one had yet to kill a human while in their wolf form. Like that transformation from human into vampire, there was a key element that needed to be met in order to become a werewolf; death. Jacob Black had killed me that night in the clearing, and in return, I had become a member of his pack, bound to him more so than the others because he was my maker, as well as my alpha.

I stopped ageing the moment I had my first transformation, and over the next few months my senses and physical strength also increased. I was just like a pack werewolf in every way but for one exception; I was able to block out the group mind. Apparently my ability to block my thoughts from Edward also allowed me to separate my mind from the pack mentality, something I was very grateful for. I could still hear the others, and over time I learned to control my ability so that when I needed to say something to them in wolf form I could let them in.

I stayed with the pack for another two years, coming to terms with my new existence. I still lived with Jacob and Billy, unable to leave because of the alpha command he had placed on me; to always obey. It wasn't until Anthony's third birthday that I gained enough strength the rebel.

I don't know how I did it, but suddenly Jacob's command had no power over me. We had been fighting and Jacob had worked himself into a right rage. Anthony had walked in on us, and seeing Jacob posed over me like he was, ran in without thinking to try and defend me, his mother. Jacob didn't appreciate that one bit, and in one fluid move changed his fists trajectory from me to our son. It was the first, and only time, I ever let Jacob strike him.

Tackling him out into the back yard we shifted, getting into a full on battle before we were even fully changed. The bonds that he had placed on me were suddenly gone, and a rage like I had never known filled me. I don't remember how it happened, my vision just went red as anger and hate filled my veins, and the next thing I knew was that he was on the ground beneath me, his throat between my jaws.

Staring into his eyes, I began to squeeze. Gasping for air Jacob kicked out, struggling in vain to knock me off of him, for the first time in nearly a year I saw the old him flicker behind those dead eyes. Flashes of the time we had spent together before things went to shit flooded my mind, and it was then that I realized that no matter how much I might have hated him now, I couldn't bring myself to kill him. I wasn't a killer, not yet, and I wouldn't start with him.

Letting out a deep growl I clenched my jaws together until I saw his eyes roll into the back of his head before letting him drop to the ground, unconscious. Not wanting to waste another second I marched back towards the house shifting shape as I went. Gathering Andy, who was lying on the ground in shock, I brought him into mine and Jacobs's room, placing him on the bed as I went to the closet and pulled out a big duffel bag. Shoving whatever I could into it, including any jewelry and expensive items I could make a good buck off later, I zipped it shut. Getting dressed myself, my clothing having been ruined when I shifted earlier, I tied my hair up into a pony tail, grabbed my wallet, as well as any cash Jacob had lying around and loaded everything into the new Pontiac that Billy had bought for us not too long ago.

Grabbing Andy and a bag of his things we left the Black house, never to return. Outside Seth was leaning against the car, arms crossed against his chest. Without having to ask, I knew what he was doing here. I could no longer feel the rest of the pack like I used to. When I had broken away from Jacob I had managed to break away from everyone else. Everyone but Seth. Somehow he was able to follow me when I broke the pack bonds, and he was here to help.

Nodding my head in thanks I loaded Anthony into his car seat while Seth got into the passenger's side. Once everyone was situated, I started the car, and drove towards the border between La Push and Forks.

"You sure about this?" I asked, him referring to the fact that he was about to leave everything he had ever known behind, go on the run, because let's face it, Jacob was never going to let us go without a fight, and possibly have to take on a coven or deranged vampires.

"Just drive, Bella," was his reply, his determination unwavering. And just like that, we left La Push, Forks, and the life that we had had, behind without a second thought.

We laid low over the next couple of years. I home schooled Anthony partially because we never stayed in one place too long and partially because public school was too expensive at that time. We stuck to large cities, making it harder for anyone trying to find us but never stayed anywhere longer than a few years before moving on.

Seth stayed in contact with some of the people back home to keep track of Jacob and how the rest of them were doing. A few years after we left, Sue, Seth's mom passed away from a stroke, and Billy followed a few short years later, leaving Jacob the chief of the tribe. There were no more deaths caused by Jacob, but things weren't entirely peaceful. They mostly left him to himself, the vampire threat on La Push having left soon after we had. He was by no means sane, but he was better than he was before and no longer hurt the others.

Unfortunately things didn't stay peaceful for us for long. It was only five years after our escape from La Push that Victoria found us again. Luckily we managed to get away without any major injuries, but it started a game that I referred to as a sick case of cat and mouse. She would send a group of her newborns after us, and we would be forced to defend ourselves, often having to kill the other vampires, before being forced to move on to another location. There were only the two of us who were able to fight, and no way could we take on her entire army and expect to make it out alive. The only choice we had was to make a run for it.

Shortly after Andy's fourteenth birthday he had his first shift. With the many run-ins with vampires over the majority of his life, his werewolf genes were activated. I hated it. I wanted to do my best to provide him with a normal life, not having to deal with fighting or killing or immortality, but I guess that would have been nearly impossible. Anthony killed his first vampire just six months later.

And now we were living in New York, and had been for almost two years now. Anthony was just finishing his high school degree online while Seth worked in a family restaurant in the city.

Sighing, I leaned in and gave Anthony a kiss on his cheek before standing up and gathering some of his dirty dishes. Standing in the doorway I gave him one last lingering look, smiling as he let out a particularly loud snore, before closing his door behind me.

Going back into the kitchen I placed his dishes in the sink, too tired to deal with them just now. Turning off all the lights in the main room and double checking that the door was securely locked, I made my way to my own bedroom. Not caring to take the time to wash my face or anything that required that much effort, I stripped to my underwear and collapsed on my small single sized bed. I think I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

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**And here you go. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and now my plot idea may make a little more sense and answer some question that you may have had after reading chapter one. Please review, they really mean a lot to me1 And I hope you will stick with this story. Hopefully I will have Chapter 3 ready by next Friday. Have a good weekend!**


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